Don't Mind Me, I'm Just Moody - Chapter 4 - A Minor Cold War

“Ni, don’t be mad. Let’s talk it through, okay?”

Reaching out to place an arm around his sweetheart’s shoulder, Shi Zijun’s hand was sharply slapped away.

“Shi Zijun, I’m not your pet! Why do I have to accompany you eating, drinking, and sleeping all the time? Am I your escort or something? Can’t I have a little personal space?”

Song Xiaoni tilted her chin up slightly, summoning her courage. But her tone betrayed a flicker of guilt. The words she’d carefully rehearsed countless times in her mind came out rushed and skewed, losing their original intent.

“Song Xiaoni, just what did you say? Say that to me again!”

No matter how Song Xiaoni fussed or threw her little temper tantrums, Shi Zijun rarely got truly angry. He knew she wasn’t the type to hold a grudge-whatever was on her mind, she’d speak it. Yet she was never malicious to the extent of hurting others or herself. Her occasional bouts of stubbornness or coquettishness were just the little frictions of daily married life. But now, hearing her blurt out such thoughtless and self-deprecating words, he couldn’t help but grow angry. He’d rather she yell, hit, or ignore him altogether than use such degrading terms to diminish and insult herself. He simply couldn’t bear it. It hurt him deeply, and, worse yet, it was unfair to him, too.

“Aren’t I, though? You keep me at home like some pet, forbidding me from going out, meeting friends, or even working. All I do is eat and sleep, waiting wide-eyed every day for you to come home, hug me, and kiss me. Is this how I’m supposed to live for the rest of my life? I’m a person too. I need friends, I need to breathe. I don’t want to be someone utterly useless.”

Tears began to spill down her cheeks, streaking her face as all her grievances tumbled out. Her pitiful sobs tugged at Shi Zijun’s heartstrings in the most agonizing way.

Shi Zijun never could have imagined that treating her like the most precious treasure-loving her, cherishing her, protecting her from the chaos and grime of the outside world, sparing her from the stress of navigating workplace politics-would provoke such accusations. He wouldn’t even let her lift so much as a glass of water, yet instead of gratitude, his sweetheart was now blaming him. For a moment, he felt dispirited. And a little hurt.

Shi Zijun had never been the forgiving or easy-going type. If anything, he was notoriously temperamental, even domineering at times. Yet for this woman he loved so deeply, he had done all he could. He wasn’t blind to his own efforts. He’d bent over backwards, bearing his frustrations, turning a deaf ear to the quiet snickers of servants who mocked his accommodating behavior. And all of that-why? Because he loved her.

Out in the world, he was a man revered by all, admired and respected wherever he went. But at home, he shed his coldness and detachment, laying bare the warmest, gentlest side of himself for this sweetheart. This lifetime, his tenderness and vulnerability were reserved solely, entirely for Song Xiaoni. No one else could ever touch this part of him.

And yet, instead of being content, instead of treasuring his care, she resented him for being controlling, for failing to understand her.

“What do you want?”

Shi Zijun’s voice lost its usual warmth, as cold as the look he gave Song Xiaoni. Standing there with tears streaming down her face, she looked pitiful, but his mind was in turmoil.

“I don’t need you to control me. I can live just fine on my own.”

She kept her head low, refusing to look at him. Maybe because she feared that the moment her eyes met his, she would fall apart, sinking again into a helpless state. Her voice trembled, tears falling one after another, releasing emotions she’d kept bottled up for who knows how long. In this moment, all her suppressed grievances came crashing down.

“Ni, I’m not trying to control you. I love you.”

The words came out quietly, drawing a faint ache from his chest. A dull, heavy pang of helplessness lodged itself deep within him.

“I don’t want that! I just want you to stop controlling me! Stop managing every little thing in my life!”

Her sobbing continued, shaking her small frame.

“Are you certain you don’t want me to care for you?”

“I’m certain! I don’t!”

“Fine. Starting today, I won’t manage anything about your life. Do whatever you want. Happy now?”

Shi Zijun cast her one last glance, his face unreadable, before picking up his pillow and walking out of the bedroom. His back remained straight, his shoulders square, but the door slammed with a resounding bang, reverberating through the now silent room.

Through her tear-filled eyes, Song Xiaoni thought she caught a glimpse of his resolute silhouette, radiating an unspoken stubbornness and distance.

She wiped at her tears, shut her laptop, and climbed into bed by herself, not bothering to change out of her clothes. Her head was a swirling mess of thoughts. Truth be told, all she wanted was for Shi Zijun to be a little less overbearing in the way he tethered her to him. What she certainly didn’t want was for him to clutch a pillow like this and leave the room so decisively. Now she was left all alone in the vast, empty bed, feeling an overwhelming sense of desolation and sadness. Her lips quivered, and she let out another choked sob.

“Stupid Shi Zijun! Rotten Shi Zijun!”

In her heart, she cursed him over and over. Her lips puckered into a pout so high it could rival the moon.

She couldn’t live without his arms around her. Whether it was at night or first thing in the morning, she was used to nestling into that broad, warm chest.

She had always been someone who was sensitive to the cold, which made her even more reliant on the comforting warmth of his embrace.

Except on occasions when Shi Zijun had to leave for business trips or when he returned overseas to visit his family, the two of them hadn’t spent a single night apart in the past year. They had always clung tightly to each other, sharing their heat, their breaths, their dreams. But tonight, their bed was unexpectedly empty, the room unexpectedly cold, even though it was already early summer.

She twisted and turned, sighing heavily, unable to settle. At some point, she fell asleep without even turning off the light. Her clothes were unchanged, her face still streaked with the remnants of dried tears.

Hugging the blanket tightly, she curled herself into a small ball. In Shi Zijun’s eyes, as he couldn’t help but sneak back late that night, this vulnerable version of Song Xiaoni was heart-wrenchingly pitiful. His heart ached for her; he couldn’t bear to see her like this. Her lonely, desolate sleeping posture shook the unyielding conviction in his heart, leaving him suddenly flooded with a wave of helplessness and doubt.

Faced with his sweetheart, so much younger than him, he had poured every ounce of his love into her. He protected her as carefully as holding something fragile in his arms, going to great lengths to shield her completely. His only wish was for her to live a life of pure joy and simple happiness, free from any pain or hardship. He thought this was the ultimate expression of love, the clearest way to show it. But to his utter surprise, it had left her feeling so wronged and sorrowful. Her tearful accusations, delivered with such heartbreak, left him at a loss. He hadn’t seen this coming.

Several times, he considered prying apart her hands clinging so tightly to the blanket. Little did he expect that even in her sleep, she held onto it with all her strength, as if clutching it for dear life-much like how she used to cling to him in the dead of night. Shi Zijun’s chest tightened, a wave of warmth washing over him. Gently, he lay down beside her, lifting her small head and laying it on his arm. With patient determination, he managed to pull the blanket from her grip. He didn’t have to try hard-for the person in her dreams instinctively wrapped her arms and legs around him, clinging like an octopus.

Even in her sleep, the movement was so practiced, so natural. It only proved how deeply ingrained her dependence on him was. There was no separating the two of them.

Shi Zijun felt a sting in his nose, an ache in his chest. He reached out, turned off the light, and held her tightly, pulling her closer with all his strength. In the pitch-dark room, his eyes shone brightly, unshaken even by the night.

When morning broke, Song Xiaoni rolled over, her body reacting out of habit as she reached out toward his side of the bed. It was empty. Cold. Her eyes flew open instantly to take in the emptiness around her. Her big, round eyes darted around the room, searching. Then, last night’s fight hit her-his resolute figure as he turned his back and walked away.

She glanced down at herself out of reflex. She was still fully dressed from the night before, her clothes unwrinkled and untouched. Lying next to her was just one lonely, solitary pillow. All these details made it clear-Shi Zijun had not returned to their bed that night. Panic began to rise in her chest. She shoved back the covers and bolted out of the room, her movements clumsy and frantic.

At this point, she didn’t care if she and Shi Zijun were still at odds. All she wanted was to see him. To hold him. She couldn’t bear to lose him. She couldn’t.

“Zijun, Zijun?”

Song Xiaoni called out his name, her voice intimate yet filled with panic, a trace of unease evident in her frantic tone. On any other day, Shi Zijun would have appeared before her with a teasing smile the moment she called. But today, there was no answer.

“Miss Song, the young master has already left for work.”

Xu Wei, who was in charge of taking care of Song Xiaoni’s day-to-day needs, hurried over. Xu Wei was a quick-witted, kindhearted, and sensible young woman. Though she wasn’t much older than Song Xiaoni, life had matured her prematurely. Raised in poverty, Xu Wei had left school early to work and support her family in the countryside. Later, a mudslide devastated her hometown, wiping out the entire village. Only her younger brother, who happened to still be in his elementary school classroom at the time, survived. From that moment, the two siblings relied on each other, with Xu Wei becoming both his sister and his caregiver.

Perhaps it was Xu Wei’s loyalty and maturity that had convinced the usually finicky Shi Zijun-who had a habit of frequently replacing his servants-to keep her on. She had managed to hold her position for over a year, a rare feat in itself. Besides, Song Xiaoni liked her.

“What? He’s gone?”

“Yes, the young master left for work.”

“Did he say anything?”

“The young master said that if Miss Song goes out today, we don’t need to follow her.”

“What?”

Song Xiaoni’s already dim eyes darkened further. No matter how busy or tired Shi Zijun was, the two of them had long grown used to having breakfast together every morning. Even on those rare occasions when the previous night’s activities left her too exhausted to get out of bed the next morning, Shi Zijun would always bring breakfast to the bedroom with considerate gentleness. But today? Not only had he ignored her all night, but he’d also left her alone in bed, eaten breakfast by himself, and walked out the door without so much as a word. This had never happened before.

And that wasn’t even the worst part.

What truly broke her heart was that he’d given the explicit order that the little followers who used to stick closely by her side didn’t need to attend to her today. It was an obvious gesture of distancing himself, a blatant expression of displeasure. The thought of it overwhelmed her, and tears welled up uncontrollably.

Without thinking, she slammed the door shut behind her, sliding down to the floor with a dull thud. Wrapping her arms tightly around her knees, she buried her face and let silent tears flow down her cheeks. No matter how persistently Xu Wei knocked on the door from the other side, she didn’t respond.

“Miss, what’s wrong with you? Please open the door.”

“Leave me alone! I’m so annoyed!” Song Xiaoni snapped, her voice muffled by her knees.