A Guide to Wasting Life - Chapter 4

“What can’t you do?” He looked at her.

“Let’s do it.”

“Let’s do it,” Xu Nianzhu said calmly.

A few simple words.

If it weren’t for the tightening grip on her wrist and his erratic breathing, she might have truly believed that he was as calm as he appeared.

The air hung heavy for a long moment.

Zhou Qi swallowed hard, averting his gaze for a few seconds.

He released his grip, gently brushing the red marks on her wrist before picking up the glass on the bedside. His voice came out unexpectedly hoarse, “Get some rest; it’s already late.”

As she watched him walk toward the window, Xu Nianzhu pulled back the covers and got out of bed, following him to the sofa. Initially, she wanted to tie her hair up since she had worked up a bit of sweat. As for the rest… it might have been the emergence of some childlike mischief.

She crouched beside her suitcase, unzipping it to pull out a disposable hair tie. Just as she was carelessly grabbing at her hair, she turned her head and found Zhou Qi silently watching her.

“What’s wrong?” Xu Nianzhu’s smile took on a hint of innocence. It was her first time too, yet she had no idea where the courage came from. “It’s fine; if not, then it doesn’t matter-”

Suddenly, her hand holding the hair tie was seized, pulled with a hint of roughness and urgency. With a snap, the black hair tie between his fingers broke, and Xu Nianzhu widened her eyes in shock. Before she could even gasp, her back was pressed against the floor-to-ceiling window.

Having squatted for too long, standing up made her dizzy for a moment, her blood rushing to her head. Terrified yet excited, her body could not help but tremble slightly.

“Do you like this?” He brushed against her ear.

“I do.”

It had been a long time since she had followed her heart.

At two in the morning, the world outside was pitch black. Without the drawn curtains, their blurred shadows intertwined were reflected on the glass by the warm light.

Xu Nianzhu was still in that tank top, and her long hair that fell again blocked some of the chill, but it was still hard to ignore the dual sensations of fire and ice, both in front and behind her.

“Ugh…” She inhaled sharply, attempting to move her trapped hand. The force was unequal, pressed down firmly in place, but it didn’t truly hurt her.

It was unbearable, all over.

She slightly furrowed her brows, fine beads of sweat forming on her forehead.

Behind her, a thin layer of mist formed on the window, as if the fragrance of gardenias in the room was filled with warmth.

Zhou Qi noticed the abnormal pink hue spreading across Xu Nianzhu’s exposed skin and resigned himself to the situation, taking half a step back. “Some things shouldn’t be said loosely. When the time comes, you won’t have time to escape.”

He rubbed his temples, where a nerve was throbbing madly, feeling that the torment was ultimately his own.

“I’m not scared,” Xu Nianzhu replied, feeling a bit dizzy from the lack of air but unwilling to let it go. She raised her arm in front of him. “You did this.”

She’s quite stubborn.

Zhou Qi chuckled softly and shook his head, his gaze turbulent, losing himself for a moment. He blew softly on the circle of red marks, then bent down and scooped her up into his arms, heading toward the bed.

“…Wow…” Xu Nianzhu felt a tightness in her chest, genuinely starting to panic this time. She barely had time to wrap her arms around his neck before he pushed her back onto the bedding. Zhou Qi knelt beside her, grabbed a pillow, and leaned in close to her ear, whispering, “Look up.”

Xu Nianzhu found it hard to think, simply following whatever she was told.

The strap from her right shoulder was pulled down, and she leaned her neck back, her face flushed, gripping the edge of the bedding. As Zhou Qi’s lips brushed against her skin, a warm sensation radiated from her ear downwards. When his lips reached the sensitive spot just below her collarbone, she instinctively let out a soft sound, her eyes slightly reddening.

“Wait… wait a minute.”

She didn’t have much strength left and realized she had made an odd noise, feeling embarrassed as she pressed her hand against his shoulder.

“Hmm?” Zhou Qi’s eyes were as dark as the night, like an endless black hole that could swallow her whole.

Xu Nianzhu’s face was burning, yet she tried to appear strong. “Turn off the lights.”

Zhou Qi raised an eyebrow in surprise, a smile creeping onto his lips as he looked down at her. He reached for the switch; his long limbs meant he could do it without moving much. In an instant, Xu Nianzhu’s vision became blurry, and her heartbeat quickened wildly.

“And then?” He touched the tip of her nose playfully.

“Kiss me…”

He smiled faintly, his finger resting on her chin, hesitating before leaning in closer, “Is it like this?”

Xu Nianzhu spoke softly, sensing the subtle changes in her body.

Instinctively, she raised her hands and wrapped them around his neck, her breath uneven.

They were very close together; Zhou Qi propped himself up on his elbows, careful not to put all his weight on her.

Seeing Xu Nianzhu’s shy and awkward expression, along with her slightly trembling shoulders from nervousness, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm his racing heart. His throat tightened as he struggled to adjust her clothing, gently kissing her forehead and the corners of her eyes.

“Go to sleep,” he whispered, his voice low, pulling Xu Nianzhu into his arms for a light embrace.

She was such a good person. He didn’t want to take advantage of her while she was still somewhat tipsy.

Zhou Qi got out of bed, opened a pack of wet wipes, and gently wiped away the traces of water on her skin.

The moment the cool wipe touched her, Xu Nianzhu couldn’t help but shudder. Those earlier words had seemingly drained all her energy. Now she felt completely limp, letting out a breath as the ringing in her ears slowly subsided.

Her eyes fell somewhere vaguely, and then, gathering her courage, she hesitantly asked in a small voice, “Do you… need me to help you?”

Zhou Qi froze midway as he was leaning toward her, then let out a quiet, wry laugh. “No, I’m fine.”

After ensuring Xu Nianzhu lay back into the blankets and covered her snugly, Zhou Qi got up and moved to the edge of the room.

He balled up the used wet wipe and tossed it into the trash bin. Then he walked to the window and opened it slightly to let the cool air in. It had rained lightly not long ago, and the osmanthus blossoms had been beaten down, filling the air with the faint fragrance of their flowers.

Zhou Qi lingered by the window for a few minutes, taking in the night air. When he returned, Xu Nianzhu had already fallen asleep, her head cushioned against the palm of her hand, her sleep posture unusually neat and delicate. Thinking back to her bold words and actions earlier, he silently reminded himself to warn her about drinking less when she’s alone next time.

Standing by the bed, he reached down to pull the blanket over her left foot, which had sneakily escaped. His gaze caught on the bedside table, where a string of Eighteen Beads¹ lay beside what appeared to be a partially hidden box-something resembling medication.

Drawn by curiosity, he leaned closer under the dim light.

Zolpidem Tartrate Tablets-a common sleep aid, often used to suppress certain emotional states.

He stared at it for a long moment, and his thoughts drifted to that day at the cemetery. When he came out, she had been the first person he noticed as he entered the temple to burn incense. Xu Nianzhu had stood there alone, serene and indifferent, as if life barely stirred her.

But later, when he struck up a conversation with her, it was as though she had transformed-alive again, full of life.

Zhou Qi let out a soft sigh, leaning back against the wall, emotions tangled in a way he couldn’t quite articulate. Once the room had cooled sufficiently, he adjusted the AC, lowering the fan speed and raising the temperature a couple of degrees.

Perhaps stirred by the faint sounds, Xu Nianzhu shifted a little, burrowing her face further into the blanket, leaving only her fluffy hair peeking out.

It was an awkward position, one that would likely make it hard for her to breathe.

Zhou Qi stepped forward, leaning down to carefully adjust the blanket and help her into a more comfortable sleeping posture. His movements were light and deliberate. Just as he was retracting his hand, a small hand slipped out from under the blanket, hooking onto his pinky finger.

The soft, warm touch of her fingertips on the knuckles of his finger made his body still, a faint ticklishness stirring in the depths of his heart. With a quiet resolve, he crouched by her bedside, watching as her brows furrowed slightly, her breathing quickened by whatever fleeting dream lingered in her mind.

“Did you have a nightmare?” Zhou Qi asked instinctively, his voice low. The words slipped out before he realized she was already fast asleep.

Seeing no need to disturb her further, he shifted slightly, changing the position of his legs to ease the strain of crouching. He stayed like that, letting her use his arm as a pillow for a little while longer.

After some time, Xu Nianzhu seemed to feel warm. She murmured something unclear, her voice soft and drowsy, then tugged lightly at her collar, loosening it slightly before turning away from him and curling onto her side.

As she moved, a faint, sweet scent followed in her wake.

Zhou Qi remained frozen, muscles taut, every part of him brimming with tension. Suppressing a ragged exhale, he carefully pushed himself to stand, bracing against the edge of the bed.

Using the light of his phone to navigate the shadowy room, Zhou Qi walked over to her desk. He pulled a sheet of paper from a stack and grabbed a pen. After scribbling a short note, he placed it beneath her ID card on the bedside table.

He glanced at her one last time. Though he knew she couldn’t hear him, he quietly whispered under his breath, “Good night. I hope you sleep well tonight.”

…

“Good night to you, too.”

Xu Nianzhu lay facing away from him, hugging herself tightly as her mind wrestled with conflicting emotions. She wasn’t as deeply asleep as she appeared-her body was exhausted, but her thoughts were chaotic, muddled, refusing to settle.

She stayed like that, forcing herself to not turn around or speak, until she heard the soft click of the door closing behind him. Only then did she allow her body to relax completely, stretching her limbs as she rolled over onto her back.

But in the pitch-black room, emotions surged and shifted unpredictably. The emptiness of the space around her felt heavier now, like a candle stripped of its wick-hollow and cold.

Still, she knew she had no reason to ask him to stay for her, nor was it fair to expect it.

The taunting uncertainty she felt lingered. It resembled standing in the biting cold with only a wet cotton jacket for warmth-it froze you if you wore it, and froze you just as much if you tried to take it off.

Closing her eyes again, she let out a sigh, the remnants of alcohol-induced fatigue pulling her closer to sleep, blotting out the spiral of unnecessary overthinking.

Perhaps tomorrow she really would forget all of this. Just maybe.

In the stillness of the corridor outside, everything was quiet-eerily so. The sound of Zhou Qi’s breathing felt unusually loud against the backdrop of the silence. He stood outside her door for a long time, his thoughts tangled.

He had considered staying the night, sleeping on the sofa outside her room, just in case she felt unwell in the middle of the night. But eventually, he decided it wasn’t appropriate.

A dull sting on his bottom lip made him pause. Lifting a hand, he felt the crusted residue of dried blood. The metallic tang of iron lingered faintly in his mouth-it was a reminder of the moment earlier when Xu Nianzhu had bitten him.

He thought back to her spirited resistance, how she had lunged and fought him, and then the sharp contrast of her serene face as she peacefully slept afterward.

Those two images felt almost impossible to reconcile, yet they existed within the same person. And no matter the form she took, he couldn’t deny how utterly endearing she was.

A faint laugh escaped him, almost a sigh. He hung his head slightly, rubbing at his arm where the earlier tension had

It was her second day in Hang City, after a week of relentless rain. The skies finally cleared that day.

By 8:15 in the morning, the entrance was already teeming with people. Xu Nianzhu had requested a set of Eighteen Beads, accepted the complimentary three incense sticks, and flowed into the crowd making their way inside. It was a weekday, and the crowd comprised mostly of older folks-hands firm and faithful as they lit the incense, lifted it to their brows, whispered silent prayers, bowed three times in each direction, and planted the incense carefully into the burner with their palms pressed together.

Xu Nianzhu watched them quietly, wonder flickering in her heart. She found herself thinking: Would I ever live to their age?

The incense offerings at Lingyin Temple were flourishing, the air thick with rising smoke that coiled around the beams like ribbons. Occasionally, sunlight pierced through the haze, tracing fragments of light into visible form. Step by step, Xu Nianzhu climbed the stairs. She followed tradition and procured incense sticks, her mind so full yet scattered. In the end, she prayed only for peace and smooth sailing.

After all, how could life ever be full of perfection? If everything could simply be half to one’s satisfaction, that would be blessing enough.

She pushed further into the temple grounds, passing devout worshippers making wishes under scarlet ribbons, and young tourists eagerly photographing trendy Instagram-worthy spots. Gradually, she ascended higher.

When Xu Nianzhu finally stopped to rest near a railing, a bright orange tabby cat approached, completely unafraid of people. It was chubby, with sleek, soft fur, and it rubbed itself affectionately against the fabric of her loose, wide-leg pants, sliding along like smooth satin.

She crouched down to stroke the perceptive little creature. The area was quieter here, and the cat’s meow echoed with an almost ethereal resonance.

Following the tabby’s line of sight, Xu Nianzhu lifted her gaze.

The temple’s gray-tiled roofs and yellow walls created a striking contrast, their eaves adorned with dangling bronze wind chimes. The sunlight that fell across the walls flickered and danced, shifting with the breeze.

She was captivated. Without hesitation, she pulled her camera from her bag, stepped back a few paces, and squinted through the viewfinder, adjusting angles in search of the perfect composition. Just as she was about to press the shutter, someone walked into her frame.

On impulse, she reflexively began pressing the shutter repeatedly, capturing the figure as they moved through her lens. First they appeared on the very edge of the frame, then slowly came into the center. A progression from a full profile, to a three-quarter view…

Until the moment their eyes met-through the camera lens.

Everything fell silent, utterly still.

Xu Nianzhu thought of the so-called “Eight-Second Rule.” She wasn’t counting, but she was sure it lasted longer than eight seconds.

In that fleeting moment, it felt as if the universe itself was in motion, as if life were bursting forth with wild, chaotic energy-in the space that stretched between his eyes and hers.

Footnote:

1. Eighteen Beads(十八籽):“Eighteen Beads” refers to a bracelet made of eighteen seeds or beads, typically used for blessings or as a personal talisman.